The Healing Power of Forgiveness

On By marlenawach1 Comment

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It is the right to be free, to not allow anyone or anything from the past to bind you in your current actions.

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When we don’t forgive, we keep alive those energy that bind us to the person that hurt us, or to the pain itself. Not forgiving holds us back from experiencing the full range of positive emotions, because the energy we might otherwise devote to living joyously in our own experience is being used up on a particularly painful experience that we can no longer control.

Many people live their lives hating people or events from their past, allowing these things to cloud their present day experience. You need to  forgive yourself and move on from the past.

It frees us from anger, harm and bitterness, emotions that not only don’t feel good but they can also ruin our physical health and hold us back from all the good we might achieve and experience. Forgiveness releases your energy and give you a space to develop. When you forgive, you’re giving a gift of mental, emotional, and spiritual freedom to yourself.

Release your bitter feelings. We need to forgive ourselves first. Why it is so difficult?

When we’ve done something wrong, we register it in our nervous system. A mistake that costs us something we want might have sadness attached to it. If we try to forgive ourselves for something without releasing the underlying emotion or belief we’ve attached to it, the forgiveness just doesn’t take. To release that part of your past that you need to forgive, it’s helpful to remember that we’re all doing the best we can in any moment.

Acknowledge your feelings related to the situation and actually feel them

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In order to forgive ourselves, we first have to admit to ourselves that we did something wrong. We have to take ownership and acknowledge the mistake. Please do not changing the past in your mind by trying cleaned up yourself, and just admit that something had happened.  It’s helpful to remember that mistakes, failures and even incredibly stupid acts are part of being human. It’s how we learn and grow.

When you really love someone, isn’t it easier to forgive and see it as a one-time event?  Do you have such loving, trusting relationship with yourselves?

Many of us are much more critical of ourselves than we are of others. We’ll give other people the benefit of the doubt, but won’t give ourselves any slack at all. When you’re dealing with a person you don’t trust or like, you can choose to forgive, release the hurt, and simply not maintain contact with such person anymore. With yourself? Not an option. You don’t get to quit or walk away from yourself.

You need to get your relationship with you to be more positive. It is extremely helpful to establish self-acceptance and self-love. Eliminate from your mind negative emotions. Make the choice to forgive yourself and others.

Forgiveness is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. And you may need to forgive again and again sometimes until that becomes your New normal. Forgiveness is not about accepting another’s actions and definitely doesn’t mean we condone certain behavior or allow any further abuse.We don’t need to trust someone or something in order to forgive, and we don’t need to invite someone over for coffee or tea because we’ve decided to cut the cords of suffering.

When forgiving another, we are not releasing them from what they have done. Forgiveness isn’t even about the other person. The choice to forgive is always a gift we give ourselves.

Holding a grudge against someone for a past event does not effect the other person in any way, it only effects you so release yourself from the past and enjoy the right to be free.

“Forgiveness does not change the past but it does enlarge the future” Paul Boese

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Perfectionism and Acceptance

On By marlenawachLeave a comment

You’re imperfect and you’re wired for struggle but you are worthy of love and belonging.  Brene Brown

Long time ago at the beginning of my professional legal career one MB member of company I had been working with came to my office late night once I had been still there working. We spoke about kids and life and I explained to him what I am working on once my child is at home sick. He did a great favour for me by recommending amazingly good doctor for my child. He did also another thing by saying that: Nobody is perfect. The second thought I understood many years after that moment.

Perfectionism saved me from drowning, but it didn’t help me to swim. I was treading water, staying safe, and desperately trying to control my reality, which is never truly possible. I had been never satisfied by anything less than perfection, never satisfied with my success. Becoming depressed when faced with failure or disappointment and becoming overly defensive when criticized. What I realized later was at the heart of perfectionism is the desire for love and acceptance. A very common defense against shame is the drive for perfection.

I have been extremely lucky to meet a lot of good people on my life journey and also I am still working on my emotional development. Somewhere along my journey I learned how to setting standards that are still high but within reach and enjoying process as well as outcome small and big one. I am trying to bouncing back quickly from failure or disappointment and see mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning. There is no shame in mistakes, just an opportunity to grow.

Improving your self-acceptance or self-compassion is the way forward to overcoming self-blaming tendencies and overcoming perfectionism and hidden shame of failure.

Mindfulness meditation for being present

On By marlenawach1 Comment

Mindfulness meditation for being present

Well, I have been always thinking that it is something very boring and not for me that I need any active sport to recuse my bad emotions, like running, horse riding, horse jumping, swimming and tennis, skiing to engage actively my body and I still need such exercises and love it. However, I discovered something special, miracle that helps me to be focuses and present. It is exactly mindfulness meditation. After a while it takes like a few minutes to relax my body and mind. I could have 20 min if I have enough time for longer meditation. It is anyway really difficult to find such time and space with two kids and all obligations and engagements but I am trying to do this every day. It is not really crazy idea but helps very much to reduce the stress be optimistic, powerful and present.

Mental training practice

Mindfulness meditation is a mental training practice that involves focusing your mind on your experiences, like your own emotions, thoughts, and sensations in the present moment. Mindfulness meditation can involve breathing practice, mental imagery, awareness of body and mind, and muscle and body relaxation. Some people do it for 10 minutes, but even a few minutes every day can make a difference.

How to start?

It is good to start in a quiet and comfortable place and then after some trainings you can do this also once driving, doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, exercising, bedtime. Sit in a chair or on the floor, upright with your head, neck, and back straight but not stiff, eyes closed, palms resting on their laps, feet flat on the floor and try to put aside all thoughts of the past and the future and stay in the present. Really difficult…. It would be helpful to have classical music on. Then you need to become aware of your breath, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body as you breathe. Feel your belly rise and fall, and the air enter your nostrils and leave your mouth. Take a slow, deep breath in counting to 9, then pause counting to 3 and slowly let your breath out counting to 9 and then pause to 3. Pay attention to the way each breath changes and is different. Focus on your breathing. Watch thought come and go, whether it be a fear anxiety, hope or worry. When thoughts come up in your mind, don’t ignore or suppress them but simply note them, remain calm and use your breathing as a main driver.

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Paying attention to the present, breathing and observing without judging

Our mind wanders all the time, either reviewing the past or planning for the future. Mindfulness teaches you the skill of paying attention to the present by noticing when your mind wanders off. Come back to your breath. It’s a place where we can rest and settle our minds. Listening and feeling your breath gives your brain the signal that you’re ready to be calm, relaxed and focused. Mindfulness is all about observation without judgement.

It is so boaring…..

During your meditation, you may find yourself uncomfortable, distracted, anxious, bored or experiencing any number of thoughts and feelings. These experiences are important for the practice of mindfulness. By simply observing them like clouds passing in the sky, you are training your brain to detach and observe instead of judge and react. When an emotion or feeling comes up, say in your mind: I see that I am thinking. The practice in mindfulness is learning how to detach from all our thoughts and simply be in the presence of it, calm and without judging it or trying to change it. Practice makes perfect and each time you are starting from more advanced level and it’s going to be more and more admiring and passionate journey. Be patient with yourself and it is really worth to tells your brain how you’d like to process and handle the day ahead.

Before tough conversation or task

I discovered that I stop breathing when I have to suddenly concentrate on some demanding tasks and then my heart starts to beat faster. Currently I concentrate for a while on my breathing and feel calm and mindfulness having everything under control.

Before you pick up the phone to have a tough conversation or step into an uncomfortable scenario, take a moment to stop, close your eyes, and take at least three deep breaths to center yourself. Notice your breath and heartbeat slow down. If you find your nerves and heart rate are still running, take a few more deep breaths. When you’re able to step into a tough situation with a calmer mind, you choose your words more carefully and show up with more mindful reactions and presence.

Take the action

Do it today instead of reading tons of articles on the internet if it helps etc. Set aside the time. If you’re thinking to yourself that you don’t have the time, consider the spaces in between things where you normally browse the internet, scroll through social media or watch TV. Somewhere in those spaces, you’ll find at least 5-10 minutes that you can devote to mindfulness. Hope it helps:) 

Any comment are very welcome. Please forward this article or like it, if you think it has been worth to read. Thank you!

You should write down your goals

On By marlenawachLeave a comment

Any road will get you there, if you don’t know where you are going, Lewis Carroll

Usually we hear a lot about the importance of goal-setting but most of us don’t have clear and measurable goals to work toward. Goal setting is an important component of living your most happy life.  Goals allow us to grow, to improve, to step into new versions of ourselves. Goals step by step realization can improve your chances not only of achieving what you set out to do, but also of ensuring that your goals are truly in alignment with what you want.  

What do you really want to create for yourself? What does your ideal life look like? Don’t be afraid to think big.

The first step to creating a goal is to figure out what you want. If you don’t know what you want, you don’t know what you need to achieve to get there. It’s important to get clarity on what you really value and hold true for yourself.  If you set a goal based on some external influence, another person’s value system or simply to please someone, you’re much more likely to fail shortly. Goals become powerful and transformative when there are strong emotional drivers backing them. You need to find out why this would create a happier life. You need to write down your goals. Use emotions and feelings to give new depth to why it matters to you.  You need to transfer yourself to that future moment in time once you will achieve the goal. How will you feel?  

Taking thoughtful action steps but these steps will be far more effective once you’ve got the clarity of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.  

The power of visualizing your goals

The idea behind visualizing your goals is that if you “see” your goal, you are more likely to achieve Take note of the details. What does your day look like? Where are you living? Try to incorporate all senses in your vision to make it most effective. Focus on details, limit distractions, turn off your cell phone. Visualize what do you see, hear, smell, taste and feel throughout this ideal day. It teaches your brain to recognize what resources it will need to help you succeed in reaching your goals. It creates an inner motivation to strive for your goals and dreams It promotes positive thinking  which will help you to stay on track to be successful in the long run.

The neurons in our brain interpret images as real life. So when you visualize doing things, your body is creating pathways and memories of how to do that action even though you never actually performed the action. I think it is wonderful attitude and worth to use it.  Visualization is a tool for reaching success and your goals. It works alongside hard work, surrounding yourself with good people, and pushing yourself to be your very best. 

Make it measurable

Take your vision and turn it into a written list of concrete goals. If in your ideal world you are working for yourself. Choose an achievable time frame to accomplish your goals as well as measurable details so you know exactly when you’ve achieved them. Most of our goals are a build-up of many small achievements. Break big steps into smaller and smaller steps until goals seem less daunting and achievable. Benchmarks are a great way to keep you on track. Adjust your expectations and timeline as you gather more information while achieving your aims.

Celebrate your success, these small one and big

The most important part of goal-setting is celebrating our successes. As we journey to the realization of our goals, it’s important to remember our vision. Why we want something can provide us with the motivation and determination to continue to work toward it even when things don’t go as planned or are more difficult than we anticipated.

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Storytelling

On By marlenawachLeave a comment

I was saying to my son goodnight today and it is always this miracle moment to which we are waiting for all day. I thought say to him my story about motivation and be inspired by one of my teacher to love biology and then how I have made my own choices seeking friends from which I could learn something and supporting others with quite clear approach what I want to achieve.

We need to create ourselves thinking who is the person that listen you. We cannot be the same for our kids, at work and for our life partner. We have different brands adjusted to different expectations and targeted groups. We cannot mix this up. Lecturer at University needs to switch to parent role and husband at home and not still teaching wife and kids at home. It is still authentic you, the same person but with different brands (different language, voice, look, cloths, behavior etc.).

Storytelling scheme: when, where, how, what, why, for what, who, with whom. Message, conflict, characters, plot.

Storytelling as a branding tool is not about telling stories just for the sake of it. Storytelling is about using stories to communicate messages that reflect positively on the brand. Therefore, first you must develop a clearly defined message.

Conflict is the driving force of a good story. No conflict, no story. As humans we instinctively look for balance and harmony in our lives. As soon as harmony is disrupted we do whatever we can to restore it. When faced with a problem, we instinctively seek to find a solution. Conflict forces us to act. Therefore, we need to get our message across through conflict and its resolution.

We have seen how conflict marks the turning point in the story, but in order for this conflict to play out, you need a cast of interacting and compelling characters. In order to get personally involved with a story, we must be able to identify with the characters. The audience must be able to identify with both the hero and the problem. Based on our need to have balance in our lives we will usually emphasise with a person faced with a conflict.

Once your message, conflict and cast of characters are all in place, it is time to think about how your story should progress. The flow of the story and its events are vital to the audience’s experience. Given the fact that we can only tell one thing at a time, and that a story exists only as a progression of events within a given time span, the sequence of events needs careful consideration. It must have a precise structure to run it forward and maintain audience interest.

Speak as if you were talking to a friend, give your power, be emotional, touchy, make you all, tell and leave.

Build your story for others

If you do not say someone about your problems but expecting him to help you, the other person cannot help you and satisfy her/his needs to help (self-realization). Therefore, both people feel bad. If your wife wants to support you then you need to tell her what is in your life. If you will say to her always that everything is fine so with such approach you cannot satisfy her needs to help….and she feel unnecessary. It doesn’t work and create conflict.

If you complain, you attract people like yourself and then you get the feeling that everyone is complaining (an isolated world that seems real to you). Then you only strengthen the story you tell yourself. Individual story, group story, collective story.

When you come back from work and always say that you are tired, your partner will never offer you sports activities at weekend, even if you would like it, because you have wrongly built your brand for her/him. The end is…because I thought that….. you are tired.