storytelling

The content of gender stereotypes, according to which women should display communal and warmth traits, be sensitive, caring and men should display authority, domination, strong, powerful, competence traits, is reflected in the language style choices of everyday communication. Due to evaluations, mindsets and roles are changing but still we are saying: real men never cry.

I would say that mixture of men and female features in one person is the best option.

Masculinity. Mature masculinity as a presence in here and now and immature is looking for confirmation, identification, enters into stories, believes in own thoughts.

Mature masculinity leads others, immature competes. I want to be better than you, if someone wins, another must lose, the one who loses does not like that who won. The partnership is better, the cooperation is more effective. So what if I have the right arguments as you may not like it. I want to lead and not to destroy others. Leadership is when I realize your needs better than you do. Leadership is not the way I exterminate you because it is tyranny. Key is understanding own role and goals.

Self-confidence instead of arrogance, self-confidence as an awareness of my own values based on the facts. Arrogance assumes superiority, self-confidence, and no sensitivity to promote oneself. Creating a sense of security instead of thinking about yourself.

Emotional sensitivity instead of being macho. No meed to show domination, we are use force once we afraid. We need strength when we defend ourselves, but outside of such situations, we need communication. Supporting – masculinity supports, wants the other people to grow and immature judges and humiliates, it is built at the expense of someone else, a scoffer, humiliating others to feel better. The fact of cutting someone’s head will not make the other party grow, but taking care of the development of the other person allows later to model it. People learn by copying examples and not by being forced to do something. Self-awareness, not narcissism.

Conscious communication, precise expression of what is happening, without dominating. The ability to enjoy what you have. The perseverance in pursuing a goal is to respect your potential.

Femininity. Intuitiveness – using another form of understanding reality, I feel (gut feeling) instead of rationalization – explaining what I feel. Unconditional instead of fear of losing control. I fell in love – I throw things because this feeling is the most important to me.

Grace, being nice, warm, kindness instead of superficiality and artificial interest. This grace is the beauty and attraction going from inside, instead of exterior. Partnership instead of seduction (seem as taking the man’s soul, personality, willingness to control). In the past what men gained by force, women gained by seduction. Perhaps the partnership model is better.

Freedom instead of being a victim, other people cannot embrace our mind, it’s just stories. Awareness of self-worth instead of seeking acceptance and approval by others, external approval. Empathy instead of sulks. Fear of being weak, fear of rejection. Grounding in reality instead of in dreams and stories. Assertiveness and sensitivity. Ability of assertive, warm speaking No response. Developing characteristics and turning them into behaviors.

Only being a man and a woman allows us to achieve the balance we need. We confuse a set of features and competences with the gender – it seems to us that something is not masculine or not feminine. At one time, it was not masculine to smile. Over a time we have different models of masculinity created in movies. The best is to keep a balance in feminine and masculinity features.

Conscious communication

Speak as precisely as possible – so that the other side will understand you in one particular way
Do not leave space for interpretation – it could cause unnecessary conflicts
Instead of saying “You’re weird”, introduce what you did not like about the behavior of the other person or how you reacted to them, e.g: “Your behavior is incomprehensible to me”
Build a discussion based on understanding, not mutual objections
Be constructive. When you notice a problem, present a solution instead of immersing yourself in a difficult situation without giving constructive feedback
Do not stop at the stage of diagnosing the problem, but do everything to find a solution – the best three different
Use comparisons during the conversation – your partner should identify with them and fully understand how you feel, they must be adapted to his or her own experience
Communicate using your partner’s communication style; if he likes gesticulation, try to complement his words with appropriate gestures
During the conversation do not impose your point of view on the other person
Take into account his / her experiences, needs and feelings, refrain from negative reactions that can irritate, stress or simply cloud your partner, such behaviors include: interruption, yawning, lack of eye contact, closed body position, blaming, generalizing, using the telephone
Confirm what you have understood from the interview that what has been communicated is important to you, refer to what your partner said
Dialogue is not a monologue

I was saying to my son goodnight today and it is always this miracle moment to which we are waiting for all day. I thought say to him my story about motivation and be inspired by one of my teacher to love biology and then how I have made my own choices seeking friends from which I could learn something and supporting others with quite clear approach what I want to achieve.

We need to create ourselves thinking who is the person that listen you. We cannot be the same for our kids, at work and for our life partner. We have different brands adjusted to different expectations and targeted groups. We cannot mix this up. Lecturer at University needs to switch to parent role and husband at home and not still teaching wife and kids at home. It is still authentic you, the same person but with different brands (different language, voice, look, cloths, behavior etc.).

Storytelling scheme: when, where, how, what, why, for what, who, with whom. Message, conflict, characters, plot.

Storytelling as a branding tool is not about telling stories just for the sake of it. Storytelling is about using stories to communicate messages that reflect positively on the brand. Therefore, first you must develop a clearly defined message.

Conflict is the driving force of a good story. No conflict, no story. As humans we instinctively look for balance and harmony in our lives. As soon as harmony is disrupted we do whatever we can to restore it. When faced with a problem, we instinctively seek to find a solution. Conflict forces us to act. Therefore, we need to get our message across through conflict and its resolution.

We have seen how conflict marks the turning point in the story, but in order for this conflict to play out, you need a cast of interacting and compelling characters. In order to get personally involved with a story, we must be able to identify with the characters. The audience must be able to identify with both the hero and the problem. Based on our need to have balance in our lives we will usually emphasise with a person faced with a conflict.

Once your message, conflict and cast of characters are all in place, it is time to think about how your story should progress. The flow of the story and its events are vital to the audience’s experience. Given the fact that we can only tell one thing at a time, and that a story exists only as a progression of events within a given time span, the sequence of events needs careful consideration. It must have a precise structure to run it forward and maintain audience interest.

Speak as if you were talking to a friend, give your power, be emotional, touchy, make you all, tell and leave.

Build your story for others

If you do not say someone about your problems but expecting him to help you, the other person cannot help you and satisfy her/his needs to help (self-realization). Therefore, both people feel bad. If your wife wants to support you then you need to tell her what is in your life. If you will say to her always that everything is fine so with such approach you cannot satisfy her needs to help….and she feel unnecessary. It doesn’t work and create conflict.

If you complain, you attract people like yourself and then you get the feeling that everyone is complaining (an isolated world that seems real to you). Then you only strengthen the story you tell yourself. Individual story, group story, collective story.

When you come back from work and always say that you are tired, your partner will never offer you sports activities at weekend, even if you would like it, because you have wrongly built your brand for her/him. The end is…because I thought that….. you are tired.

Blog Marleny Wach

Tag: storytelling

Male and female personal mixture. Conscious communication